Glass Half-Full

It's hard to determine whether the glass is half full or half empty. I never much bought into the "it's-all-in-how-you-look-at-it" ideal. Isn't it one or the other? Or just "half occupied?"

I got up early enough to get back to the gym today, but I chose not to go since I was already hurting at 5:00 am. Okay. Gym. Bad idea still. So I'm disappointed I didn't go, but glad I didn't go and hurt myself in the process.

So I slept till hubby got out of the shower and got up, took a shower and came down here with enough time to enjoy my coffee and spend some time with Jesus. Great! The loud kid woke up, which woke the light sleeper and I couldn't retain a single thought I tried to read. So I'm bummed I have to move my reading time to later this morning, but glad I at least got up with plenty of time this morning.

I'm glad I can still take a few moments here and there to sit (since my body is still trying to heal) but I feel guilty if my kids are in front of the tv too much or my husband has to do too much around the house.

Last night I made dinner. First time in almost a month. I was glad to do it and I wanted to see it through and actually feel like I accomplished something. So, chili was simmering and I thought I could return videos, drive through the bank and pick up chinchilla food before it would be time to make some breadsticks and serve dinner. I got home and hubby had his revised chili (without my breadsticks--which he didn't know I wanted to make) served on the table, waiting for me. Glad he helped to get something done around here? yes. Disappointed I couldn't see one thing through? absolutely.

These are all little things, I know. Most wives would kill for their husbands to just pick it up in the middle and get it done. Most people I know can easily make themselves stay down and take the time they need to recover from something major like surgery.

So why is this so hard for me? Why do I choose to look at things "half-empty?" Is it just that I'm tired of having to depend on everyone else for things? I can only do things halfway these days. Have Julia stand on the stairs so I can carry her, but I can't pick her up. Have Brad bring the laundry baskets up and down, but I can fold them. Go to the grocery store, but have him bring in the heavy bags.

I think maybe I'm starting to feel helpless. Or halfway helpless. I want to do for myself---I'm very used to that. But I'm stuck. And it stinks.

Maybe there's something to this "how-you-look-at-it" thing after all? Maybe I'm doing more damage than good by looking at things this way.

Maybe I just need more coffee.